May 31, 08 03:17 AM

Okay, maybe it's the two and a half bottles of wine that I drank that're making me tingle. (I'm currently employing the "keep one foot on the ground and one hand on the wall to keep the room from spinning" method of not puking, thereby securing myself a spot in the Queen of Classy Hall of Fame.)

I digress (and hiccup a bit).

Clint Eastwood here is probably the manliest man to ever walk the face of the earth. In the picture above, where he's attending an event honoring him, you can practically smell his testosterone. People like to give that credit to Chuck Norris, but I think that Clinty here would kick Chuckie's ass.

If you disagree, I'd like to point out that one of the two men had good sense not to publicly endorse Mike Huckabee, and it wasn't Chuck. CLINT EASTWOOD FOR PRESIDENT!

Plus, he's totally still virile. All you have to do to see that is take a gander at the picture. You can tell, he was having a nice interview with ET, when some Hollywood hobag tried to hit on him. Judging by the look on his face, you can practically hear him saying "Bitch please! I'm Clint mutha-effin' Eastwood! If you want to get with this, you best get in line! It forms to the right, and wraps around the block. Oh, and bring a friend, because there's plenty of me to go around."

I hear that Clint Eastwood once went to the Virgin Islands, and now they're just called "The Islands". Yup. Definitely more hardcore than Chuck Norris.

 May 31, 08 03:10 AM

So, in news of the rich and famous, David Beckham bought his wife (you know, the one who was in the Spice Girls?) her own friggin' vineyard so she can make wine. Since word on the street is that her denim line is tanking, it's probably a good thing they're diversifying their portfolio. I'd hate to see them go broke (read: go from a net worth of $4 gazillion to a mere $3.5 gazillion).

Here's what I want to know: where do I sign up for one of these? No, I'm not talking about a winery, but my own hot-ass husband who will buy me anything I want and not care that I kind of look like an alien. I mean, I have a hard time getting my man to buy me a bottle of Boone's Farm!

 May 30, 08 01:50 PM

This is another treat, straight from our photographer's lenses to your computer screen. Woo Hoo!

You know what I was thinking? I was thinking that I just couldn't go another minute without seeing a hot celeb lounging around in a skimpy bikini. Well, the paparazzi gods were smiling on me today, because guess what I have here? Mel B., in all of her bootylicous glory!

So, here's the story: Mel B. and her husband, Stephan Belafonte, had a boozy lunch (the best kind!), and ended up taking a two-hour nap outside under a towel. Afterward, Stephan decided to pseudo-molest her, adjusting her bottoms for our viewing pleasure. Hot!

Also, where did Mel find that guy? Ghetto-R-Us? I'm totally not digging that back tattoo, or the chud hanging over his trunks.

 May 29, 08 11:36 PM

Lindsay Lohan was out and about yesterday after getting her hair did, and for somebody with her own leggings line she sure doesn't seem to know the product that well. That is, of course, assuming she didn't flash her naughty bits around town on purpose (it wouldn't be the first time!).

On another note, I love her bag.

 May 29, 08 11:25 PM

Uma Thurman is starring in another movie I won't see, entitled Motherhood. I don't have anything against her as a person (I mean, she did divorce Ethan Hawke, which totally freed him up for the rest of us), but she just doesn't do it for me.

Remember when she was in The Truth About Cats and Dogs with Janeane Garofalo? I always thought that Janeane was the hot one, not Uma.

 May 29, 08 07:30 PM

In light of the charges brought against Naomi Campbell for viciously assaulting police officers with her supermodel spit, I bring to you the first EVER MavrixOnline reader poll. In a little while, I'll make another post about the results.

For the record, you can go ahead and put me down for "Throw Away the Key!"

 May 29, 08 04:10 PM

This picture is so full of awesome I'm not sure how our servers are handling it.

What you see here is Harrison Ford and Elaine Lancaster, one of the best 'Superstar Socialites' in the business. As a matter of fact, I think I'm in love with her.

I'm pretty sure Harry's in love with her too, because he's practically drooling all over her. The hair, the nails, the pearls...everything is just too much to handle, and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!

 May 29, 08 03:59 PM

Okay, when I first got this picture in, I said to myself "who is this beautiful, delicate creature?" So I Wiki'd her, and found out she's like, the Britney Spears of the Latin world. She's sold around 5 zillion records, and she looks nothing short of amazing in the pictures on the website.

So, then, I had to ask myself: Paulina Rubio, WTF?

Her sunglasses are huge, and yet they still don't seem to hide the gigantic eyebrows that seem to be running for their life towards her hairline. It's looks like she went to her waxer and said "You know the McDonald's golden arches? I want those. On my face. NOW!"

Next thing you know, she's lunching at the Ivy and sending her eyebrows of death into attack mode. Seriously, I can't get away from them. It's like those creepy pictures in haunted houses, where the eyes follow you wherever you go.

 May 29, 08 03:49 PM

You know who I love? Adam Sandler. My love for his is wider than a thousand oceans and deeper than, um, the deepest thing you can think of.

No joke. If given the option between Adam Sandler or a harem filled with Patrick Dempsey, Lance Armstrong, George Clooney and Clive Owen lounging on bricks of gold, I'd take Adam Sandler in a heartbeat. The only guy who I might choose over Adam is David Cook from American Idol, and even then it's pretty close.

Here's Adam at the premiere of his movie You Don't Mess With the Zohan. Yup, that's right, he wore jeans (and if you have a problem with that, I'll see you in the back alley at 9pm. I'll be the one carrying a tire iron).

 May 29, 08 03:39 PM

Nicole Richie hit up traffic school yesterday, presumably in relation to that "going the wrong way down the highway with vicodin in her system because she has severe menstrual cramps" thing from way back when. Then again, I could be wrong and she could just be there to brush up on her parallel parking skills.

You know who needs to go to traffic school? The Hogan family. How do we sign them up for these classes, and how soon can they start attending?

Ugh. Traffic school gives me flashbacks of the driver's ed class I took in high school. I'm pretty sure the teacher was Satan himself, and he barely passed me. Even then, he still called my parents and told them I had no business driving. Let's all hope Nicole has a better teacher than I did.

 May 29, 08 12:09 PM

It looks like somebody in the engineering department had a little too much time on his hands. What you're looking at is a ginormous telescope that lets people in London look across the Atlantic Ocean and see people 3,460 miles away. Yeah, and you thought the telescope your dad bought you when you were 12 was cool.

It's called The Telectroscope (funny, my spell check doesn't recognize it as a word), and has 6-foot-tall screens that people can look through.

In other news, there's still no cure for cancer.

 May 29, 08 12:03 PM

Will Smith was out and about in NYC yesterday filming Hancock. I can't believe film crews these days. First, Julia Roberts' movie shoot gets put on hold because of paparazzi, and now Will Smith is still filming a flick that I thought for sure was already in the can! What's next with these people?

I'm actually pretty psyched to see John Hancock. Any story about a drunken superhero who messes stuff up is A-okay with me. It kind of reminds me of my life, but without the superhero part.

 May 29, 08 11:56 AM

Julia Roberts and her sad clown face was trying to get her work on in Rome with Clive Owen, but the paparazzi came and ruined everything. Production was put on hold until the riffraff left.

What is up with these people? What kind of low rent operation are they running here? Julia is one of the highest paid actresses in the business, and you're telling me that the studio couldn't spring for some security or something?

I'm thinking the crew just wanted a day off. Hell, if I were in Rome right now for "work", I'd want a day off too.

 May 28, 08 08:22 PM

Sarah Larson is a lot like my trash on Wednesdays: OUT ON THE EFFIN' STREET!

Please excuse my enthusiasm, but I'm doing cartwheels and back flips now that I know my man George Clooney is single again. He's too hot to be tied down! Sarah and Georgie were together for around a year, and he's moved out of the house that they share so she can get her crap together and leave.

When tapped for comment, Clooney's rep said "I can only confirm that we have never commented on George's personal life."

We all know what that means! Ladies (and gents...I'm not here to judge!), it's time to really dig into those Carmen Electra workout tapes. George has already proven that he's willing to date regular hobags, and while the chances are slim, one of us could totally be the next Sarah Larson.

 May 28, 08 12:27 PM

Oh, please please please please let this happen!

The Sex Pistols' Johnny Rotten said that he would love to work on writing a song with Britney Spears. I can picture the two of them singing together now, and I feel like my head is about to explode with awesome!

Seriously, they'd do the best rendition of that Donnie and Marie song EVER.

Brit: "I'ma leetle bit country!"
Johnny: *hack* "I'ma li'le bit rock 'n roll!" *spit*

 May 28, 08 11:52 AM

Quick! Somebody call the waaaambulance! Kirsten Dunst is sad!

Yesterday Kirsten Dunst (you know, the one all the bloggers were calling Kirsten Drunkst) announced that when she checked into the Cirque Lodge earlier this year, it was to battle depression, not a substance abuse or alcohol problem.

Now, I'm kind of torn on this one. On one hand, I sort of understand. If I Iooked like Kirsten Dunst I'd be depressed, too. On the other hand, why in the name of Carmen Electra's Stripper Pole would you check yourself into a drug rehab facility if you were just depressed? When you're down that low, everyone knows you check yourself into the loony bin (ask Britney!). Take yourself to Dr. Phil, not Dr. Drew!

I don't know about you guys, but I smell a bit of spin here. Career wise, it's way better to be depressed than to be a drug or alcohol fiend, and nobody wants to hire someone who is going to be too busy taking meds to shoot a film.

Either way, I hope she sorts out whatever issues she has. She was pretty good in Interview With A Vampire, and that alone makes me like her at least a little. Plus, she was pretty good in the Spiderman movies, so she gets some more credit from that.

 May 28, 08 11:33 AM

Kylie Minogue is 40 years old today, and the Australian pop princess doesn't look a day over 25. Brit Brit Spears needs to sit up and take notice, because Kylie here knows how to work a career.

She's done a little bit of everything (including INXS frontman Michael Hutchence, which makes me more than a little jealous), and had me doing the Locomotion when I was four.

Here's a bit of hot gossip, straight out of the 80s: when she was dating Michael, the two of them had sex on a plane while the Australian Prime Minister was aboard, and then publicly talked about it afterward. Ballsy! Love it!

 May 28, 08 11:07 AM

Julia Roberts is in Rome filming Duplicity and looking fabulous. Of course, by "fabulous" I mean "a little haggard", but who cares? She's an American treasure, kind of like Audrey Hepburn or Lindsay Lohan Marilyn Monroe.

Does anyone want to tell me why the beehive look is making a comeback? Please tell me that Amy Winehouse isn't influencing fashion, cause if she is, I'm totally moving to Azerbaijan and permanently disconnecting myself from society.

People need to stop teasing their weaves! This isn't Texas, circa 1992!

On the other hand, Clive Owen is a hot peace of man meat and needs to be in more movies. He's gorgeous, and totally should have been the new James Bond based on his hairline alone. Have you seen Daniel Craig's hairline? It looks like it's running away from his face! I need to have a little chat with some casting directors, because they obviously don't know what's up.

 May 27, 08 11:09 PM

The Sex and the City premiere brought everyone and their mother out in NYC tonight. From Ashley Olsen (Stacie, this one is for you...I got the right twin this time!) to Lydia Hearst, all were in attendance.

I have to say, the best dressed out of everyone in these pictures is SJP, hands down (although her husband certainly gives her a run for her money. I've always had a soft spot for Ferris Bueller). I love Lydia's top, but it'd be best as a dress. I don't know what kind of masochist Kim Cattrall is, but I figure she's got to be one to have worn that getup for more than five minutes.

While it's nice to see Ashley smile (she's absolutely gorgeous), that jacket reminds me of one that my mom used to wear in 1987. You know, the type of jacket with shoulder pads that at the time screamed "I'M A CAREER WOMAN! EQUAL PAY FOR EQUAL WORK!"

But, that's just my opinion. What do you guys think? Leave your thoughts in the comments section, and I'll discuss what ya'll are saying in a blog later today.

 May 27, 08 10:55 AM

I'm always forgetting that famous people like Gwen Stefani and Kate Beckinsale have kids. Then of course, I see pictures like these where Gwen looks like she's about to explode and I remember. Here are the two families gallivanting around the beach yesterday, celebrating Kingston's birthday and Memorial Day. While everyone else was BBQing and splashing around in the ocean, I was slaving over a hot MacBook to bring you celebrity gossip.

So, quick question: did anyone else watch the Flavor of Love reunion show last night? He announced that he'll never do another season, and I'm still going through the grieving process. I've already hit the denial, anger and bargaining steps, and now I've settled firmly into the depression phase. I think the only thing that can make me feel better is watching I Love Money, which is set to debut any day now. I can't wait.

 May 26, 08 09:06 PM

I don't know why everyone is all up in arms over the news that Celine Dion uses 6.5 million gallons of water a year at the house pictured above. It's 6.5 acres, though. That's only a million gallons an acre!

To be honest, we're lucky that she doesn't water her lawn with blood diamonds and the souls of Siberian children. I hear that's the secret combo to keep the weeds at bay, and she's diva enough to try it.

All joking aside, sure, she uses a lot of water (enough to fill a 50 gallon bathtub every four seconds, in fact). But you know what? She pays for it. It's not like she's stealing it from a neighbor's pool or something.

I'm sure we all waste a little water every now and then. For example, I bet some of you probably leave the faucet on when you brush your teeth. As for me, I like to leave the shower water running for a while before I get in. Sure, it's to keep from getting sprayed with an icy blast when I first turn it on, but it's the same thing, right? Yup, me and Celine are like two peas in an over-watered pod.

 May 26, 08 03:41 PM

You know, for having only one testicle, Lance Armstrong sure seems to do well with the ladies. I mean, first Sheryl Crow (who is uber amazing) and now Kate Hudson? I don't know how he does it!

Oh wait, yes I do. He's like a superhero. He's beaten a couple different kinds of cancer, has resting heart rate that is similar to a ninja's and he is on a first name basis with Oprah. On top of it all, he seems like a really nice guy and is pretty flippin' hot. It's like he won the genetic lottery, but still manages not to let it go to his head.

Anyone have any ideas on where I sign up to be the next one to date him?

 May 25, 08 11:38 PM

Brooke Hogan was in a car accident today in Clearwater, Florida, and credits her seatbelt to saving her life. Early reports are saying that a car hit Brooke's white Mercedes, which in turn hit another car. While there doesn't seem to be any serious injuries, the wreck did block several lanes of traffic.

I'm really happy that everyone is okay, though I have to say I haven't been too impressed with the Hogan family lately. First, Nick caused a car accident that put John Graziano in a persistent vegetative state. Then, Hulk and Linda got divorced and Hulk started slutting around with one of Brooke's friends. Now, with the jail audio tapes released, I've had about too much Hogan to handle.

That said, Brooke seems to be an innocent in the family, and it's sad that she has to add this to her already-awful year. Best wishes go out to her...and as a reminder: always wear your seatbelt!

 May 25, 08 10:01 AM

Britney Spears is reportedly in talks to have a major comeback concert in Vegas. The show is supposed to nab her around $10 million.

HELL YES! I'm grabbing my Carmen Electra stripper pole and heading out to Sin City to see this mess. I can't wait. It'll be like, an extended version of her MTV performance...I'll pay any amount to catch this cavalcade of awesome!

It's actually really good to see her climbing back to the top of the Hollywood food chain. I've made it no secret that I loves me some Brit Brit, and I'm happy to see her getting things back in order for herself.

 May 25, 08 09:49 AM

Carmen Electra, making money off of being a hobag? Betcha didn't see that one coming!

In addition to doing those stripper workout videos, new reports say Carmen is now coming out with her own line of stripper poles. I don't know if they're going to have rhinestones on them or what, and quite frankly I don't really care. I'm on a mission to get my hands on one, and I don't care who I have to stalk to get it.

I'll buy ten and give them out as Christmas presents. My 10-year-old nephew will be thrilled to open up that gift. My sister will be so happy with me.

 May 25, 08 09:16 AM

While out and about promoting his new movie What Happens In Vegas, Ashton opened up about his relationship with Demi Moore. Although her daughters are closer in age to him than to her, he says that they offer him "open and unconditional love."

Gag

I'm really getting sick of Ashton. I can't seem to escape those stupid camera commercials that he's in, and I think I'd rather gargle battery acid than watch What Happens In Vegas . I'm suffering from Ashton Overload!

Also, mad props and a shoutout go to Christina, who sent me a link to Adrienne Bailon's engagement ring. Woo hoo!

 May 24, 08 12:02 PM

Gabrielle Union hosted an evening at Tao nightclub at the Venetian in Vegas. Is that a latex dress that she's wearing? It kind of looks like the same material Fergie likes to make pants out of. If that's what's "in", consider me "out".

Of course, Gabrielle could shave her head and wear a gunnysack and still look flawless. (And I'm pretty sure I hate her for it.)

 May 24, 08 11:48 AM

I have to say, this getup is a nice improvement from the plastic pants she's been sportin' lately. Did you see that mess she was wearing on the Today show while performing Heart's Barracuda? I'm never up early enough for that kind of stuff, but I did catch a replay on YouTube.

Pamela Anderson, Snoop Doggy Dog and Kim Kardashian also showed up to the event. I still don't know for sure if her brother got married or not. Also, speaking of Snoop Dogg, Ben Folds did a killer remake of Bitches Ain't Sh*t, and I can't stop listening to it. When he emo-sings Snoop's part, it's so awesome it almost brings a tear to my eye.

 May 23, 08 09:46 PM

In case you don't know who Victoria Silvstedt is, let me school you: she won the Playmate of the Year award a few years ago, was on the Real World and has sold a ton of records in Sweden (her album went gold back in 2001). Why should you care? Um, I think the photo pretty much tells you.

Here's Victoria, Rose, Natalie, Milla and Sharon at AMFAR earlier today. If you'll notice, Sharon looks much hotter without Madonna around.

Rose McGowan is also one of my all-time favorite Hollywood hobags. She was great in Scream, and anyone who has dated Marilyn Manson has earned my respect.

 May 23, 08 02:57 PM

Note to Sharon Stone: stop standing next to Madonna. When you want to look good, it's never a good idea to position yourself near the goddess of the universe. I don't know what Madge does to keep herself all wrinkle free and hot, but she's gotta be in on something the rest of us don't know about.

Here she is in Cannes (along with everyone else from Hollywood). Anyone want to tell me who invited Mike Tyson to the event? How the hell does he get invited to the same soirees as Natalie Portman (who, as usual, is flawless and amazing).

 May 23, 08 02:23 PM

How could you not love Patrick Dempsey? I practically swoon every time I see him on Grey's Anatomy. Dr. McDreamy, indeed.

Speaking of, did ya'll catch the season finale of Grey's last night? Meredith and him look like they're getting back together, and I'm a-okay with that. Rose was a whiney, needy hobag anyway. You could just tell. The lesbian action was pretty hot, too, though I'm not really a fan of either of those actresses. The blonde was pretty awesome in The Silence of the Lambs, but that's only because she rocked out to Tom Petty in the car.

Okay, back to the topic at hand. Dempsey and Michelle Monaghan were in Rome earlier, promoting Made of Honor. I'm not sure about that dress that she's wearing, but that could just be me being bitter.

 May 23, 08 01:48 PM

I can't see her left hand, but it looks like homeboy is totally wearing a wedding ring in this picture. I immediately went over to my good friend Wikipedia to do some quick internet stalking, and it looks like they're engaged (her page says they'll be married in 3 months), but do engaged guys wear a wedding ring?

Does anyone have any kind of info on the matter? If so, leave a comment...if you can send me a link confirming the marriage, I'll give you mad props and a shout out on my next post.

If they are married, congrats to the couple. Regardless of if they are or are not, do you think somebody could slip Robert a note asking him to please shave his molestache? He looks like he's only a wifebeater away from trolling the streets in a windowless white van.

 May 23, 08 12:54 PM

Okay, okay. So she's not at the Summer of Sars Party, she's at the Summer of Stars Party. Still, I'm keeping the typo in the title because it's funnier that way. I mean, Paris Hilton was at the same shindig, so it's totally plausible.

Now, back to the subject at hand: Traci's rack. She's looking pretty boobalicious here, and that's the nicest thing I can say at the moment. Oh! And did she rip her sleeve on some barbed wire on the way to the party?

 May 23, 08 12:40 PM

I figured I'd go ahead and let you know that Paris was going to be featured in this post, so you'd have the opportunity to run from the room screaming for your life skip over it if you wanted.

On the one hand, I almost feel bad for the way that the media treats her. I've heard her called all kinds of things over the past few years, and I think it's safe to say that the general consensus is that (at best) she's a lady of mixed repute.

On the other hand, I still haven't forgiven her for participating in Puff Daddy's Vote or Die campaign, all the while not even being registered to vote. Who does that?

 May 23, 08 12:29 PM

Brittny Gastineau, who was recently in a pretty serious car accident, seems to be bouncing back quite nicely. (Good for her!) Here she is, leaving Mr. Chow with her mother.

What ever happened to that Gastineau Girls show, anyway? It wasn't really all that bad, as far as reality TV shows on E! go. Also, I hate the way she spells her name. I keep typing Brittany, only to have to go back and delete the A.

 May 22, 08 10:53 PM

Here's Sarah Jessica Parker outside of David Letterman's studio before going onto the show to promote the new Sex and the City movie. I don't know where her arms are and no, I don't know why she's dressed like Morticia Addams.

Other than that, she's looking pretty hot here. I've actually always had a thing for SJP, and I don't care what all of the other bloggers say. She doesn't look like a horse.

Anybody who has ever seen Footloose absolutely has to love her. Remember the scene where she's in a bar and kind of dressed like a cowgirl? That movie is nothing short of awesome, thanks to SJP and Kevin Bacon dancing around to Kenny Loggins all 80s style.

 May 22, 08 10:42 PM

Here's a shot of Nicole and Joel (mad props and a shoutout to Robin for noticing that it's not Benji!) hitting up the DCMA Collective shop in Hollywood earlier today. Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that Nicole totally stole your grandma's couch out of the den, stripped the upholstery and made herself a dress. Even that guy walking behind them is over it. He's looking right at the camera with a face that says "I know. I can't believe it either."

I still can't believe how quickly she lost the baby weight. She's back to being freakin' tiny. On a related note, she picked a really cool name for her kid. Harlow Winter is way better than Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee's kid), but still not quite as awesome as Moxie Crimefighter (Penn Jillette).

 May 22, 08 05:43 PM

I'd like to start off by posting the positive: Quentin Tarantino is obviously a genius, and almost everything he touches turns to cinematic gold. Reservoir Dogs is one of the best movies ever, and I'm sure I don't need to sing the praises of Kill Bill to ya'll. I mean, there's clearly a reason he's presenting a cinema masterclass at Cannes this week.

With that said, dude's movies TOTALLY creep me out. Cutting off a guy's ear with "Stuck in the Middle With You" playing in the background? Who comes up with that kind of stuff?

 May 22, 08 04:14 PM

So, while all the Hollywood hotties were at the Maxim Hot 100 part last night, anyone want to take a guess at where Ivanka Trump w